When my turn came to “bare my soul” I confided to my girlfriends that what I really long for is… [drumroll]……………..…. to have babies!
—my heart, my body yearns to mother.
This is of course is not really new news to any of my friends. Since I was thirteen I adopted several sets of “practice children,” begged to borrow any newborn in sight, and stuffed pillows in my shirt to pretend I was pregnant…
For my girlfriends the appalling part of my disclosure was what I said next:
I want to be a homemaker. I want to throw myself into motherhood by keeping house and home schooling. Someday I want to teach my children to love God, to read, to play the piano, to speak Spanish, and to live every moment fully alive.
The girls listened smilingly and were hesitantly supportive of my oh-so-traditional castle-in-the-sky, but it was easy to read the patronization in their eyes. They quickly reassured me that it was great if I could be happy being “just a wife and a mother,” but they needed careers.
I get what they were saying… being a “just” a house wife sounds very 1950s. Shouldn’t educated women in the 21st century give themselves to something greater than building a family? The idea that I would give up pursuing my hard-won right to a career in order to nurse babies, change diapers, and wipe snotty noses for the next however many years seems to be moving in the wrong direction, and little people [babies that is] can be scary.
My girlfriends response to “homemaker-dreams” reminds me of an appalling book I read in middle school. I’m Glad I’m a Boy written in the 1970’s is reflective the culture’s view of women during that era… The stereotypes illustrated in this children’s book are so appalling to this generation of Americans that they seem comical in a satirical way. You read it asking yourself, “the author is joking right? He’s got to be! Below are few of the grossest stereotypes he makes:
Boys can eat. Girls can cook.
Boys build houses. Girls keep houses.
Today we live a society where the opportunity to a career is viewed as the redemption of every woman. So clearly my friends see their value to society through their careers. The roles of wife and mother [as well as those of husband and father] are rapidly changing to keep up with culture… and I fear these roles have lost the respect of the culture fair and square.
But I know change is coming... This generation was hurt by their parents divorces, or strained marriages. This generation longed for relationship with parents who were busy at work. Many want different kinds of families than the ones they grew up in. More and more the women I talk to confide to me... they secretly hope that they will be able to just be wives and mothers.
So where does this career-oriented culture leave family-oriented girls like us?
I keep asking myself, "I don’t want to build houses… I want to keep houses. Can that desire be okay too?" I don’t mind working, but even in work I find myself gravitating to motherly jobs that let me nurture. I love to give care, to protect and support.
For right now, I have decided to view my freedom to prioritize my role as a wife [and someday as mother] as a way of embracing my femininity. I don’t know that I am right on this one… but I am praying. I just want to bloom where I’m planted. I pray to become the woman God created me to be,
As I contemplate the tension I feel between the pull of career and that of family I have been chewing on proverbs 31:10-31, commonly referred to as the biblical description of a godly woman.
10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Clearly this girl did it all. She had a career and a family, but in the end she was praised for fearing the Lord.
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