Joy in the Journey

Life has been a trip for me, a road I would not have chosen, but a journey I would not take back. Through this journey God has formed me into the wife, daughter, sister, and friend I am. He has shown me beautiful sunrises on the summits of my life and when I walked through the Valley of the Shadow of death he has held my hand for every painful step.

Recently I have again found my fearful heart hesitant to take the first step on the path now laid before me. By retracing the steps that have brought me here, I hope to bolster my conviction that there is indeed joy in the journey:

Salt Lake City. I started kindergarten in Salt Lake and stayed through 3rd grade. From the very beginning I was in awe of the mountains, spending time in the majestic Rockies

I became a bit of a mystic because I realized the great power behind creation.Because of how tight-knit the Mormon community was there, I was never accepted by the girls in my class. In Salt Lake I learned to view myself as outside and other.

The Vineyard Church. My mother brought us to the Vineyard when we had nothing. At 9 years old I was worried about whether we would food, clothes, or a place to stay, but even when the church began to help us I wouldn’t go in…

I spent the winter in the back of the station wagon wrapped in a blanket reading, until I really got hungry for God. This community wrapped it’s arms around me—a hurting little girl--- and helped me begin to understand that the God who formed the mountains could want a “girl-like-me.” It was here I learned to pray, to worship, to believe. And every time I’ve returned “the prodigal” they have taken me back.

Youth With A Mission. All the money I earned during high school went towards mission trips to Mexico. I went 3 times with the church and twice with Youth with a Mission. I gained a heart for people outside of my own community.I began to dare to believe that God could use someone like me.

I discovered how the Spirit would pour through me when I was praying, drawing, and reaching out to the children.

Oakdale Christian Academy.
My personality needs stability, and I grew up on a roller-coaster. At 17 I had so much contempt in my heart towards myself and my family I couldn’t survive at home anymore.I walked around holding my breath

and God brought me to Oakdale to help me breath again.I learned to sleep at night, to look people in the eye, and to believe in family. This community made me feel wanted despite my scars.


Mercy Ministries. Since childhood I have had an undercurrent of defiant independence running through the depths of my soul, but I didn’t want to confess to this darkness in me or to acknowledge the pain which led me to dig the canal.

I was alone and broken- bulimic, anorexic, suicidal, miserable.
Mercy was my intervention. Words can’t express my gratitude for how they loved me when I stubbornly refused to let love in. It was here that God restored my sense of self-worth, so that I could have courage to keep facing the enemy with him.

Central Christian College. In the Science Hall Crow’s Nest I discovered a love for the Bible and for Theology. My professor nurtured well the passion in me to learn. These were days for dreams and visions.

These were years for wrestling out of my heart the root-belief that God only uses the beautiful people. This was a season of getting my feet wet in ministry, observing the loneliness of leadership, developing greater passion for justice, and leaning hard on the Spirit.


Breathitt County. For my first venture in the adult world I returned to OCA. Growing up was hard for me… I guess it pretty much always is. I hiked the hills of Breathitt County as I worked out all the longings and fears surfacing in me.Nature was a solace to my pain.

Creation again lifted my eyes to the Creator…Stars and sweat were my friends, the students I worked with my teachers. Prayer my life-line.

The Pregnancy Service Center. I used to think that “Since caring about the unborn is the one area of social justice where the Church has really taken a stance, I should devote my prayers to those who are overlooked by mainstream Christianity.”

But God taught me his heart for these children, and gave me a job that brought me to the end of me and taught me humility. Never have I experienced greater spiritual warfare. The staff and volunteers at this ministry are true servants of the kingdom. They daily confront the ways that the enemy has come to steal, kill, and destroy their community with the life-transforming love of Christ.

Disability Supports. When I started in February I was looking for a job where I could “reach-out and not stress-out.” This community has come to mean much more to me. Working with people with disabilities brings to light both the beautiful and the ugly parts of our society

and feeds my passion to be part of a more transparent community. At the end of [most] workdays I honestly feel that the clients I work with are giving more to me than I am to them. They are teaching me that:

• Sometimes it is better to stop trying to communicate with words and start paying attention to what their eyes are already telling me.

• the true significance in who we are is not what we are capable of doing, but the extent to which we use our capabilities to care about the people in our world. We all have a purpose for being here.

• Even small things done in love can make the day worth living.

For now I am here—and I love it. I relish every day, and there is joy in the journey… but I also ache know that there is more here than I am engaging, that the community of McPherson and the Revolution are places and relationships which I also need to open my soul to.

But relationally I am at a stand still until I forgive.

TodayI find my soul fearfully welcoming the reformation God has shown me that real forgiveness will bring.