Anticipating Reversal

Que amasti me, fecisti me amabilem.

In loving me, you made me lovable.

~St Augustine

When I began working for the profoundly disabled was when I began to long for the reversal of all things. At first I just prayed hard for healing. My grid for knowing God as a Healer gave me faith to believe that miracles were possible. I prayed with earnest love for the people I served. But day after day, week after week, they continued to suffer. I could not wrap my mind around a why and my heart just shattered. The experience of loving the hurting brought me face to face the agonizing doubt of unanswered prayers.

But even though I didn’t see the healing or the miracles, I was convinced in my Spirit of the Father’s deep affection for the people I was serving. A reassurance came,

• that these women were some of His favorite people in the world,
• that they would be completely restored,
• that the suffering they experienced in this life would be light and momentary compared to the glorious freedom of the kingdom,
• that their stories would be honored,
• that someday in a great reversal of all things they would no longer be last, but first. Honored daughters in the kingdom of God.

With the reassurance came an overwhelming flash of love. It was as if I could feel the heart of God for myself and the people was working with. Tears streamed down my face it was just too too much.

That experience changed me. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God saw the suffering of the people I cared about and God saw my suffering. I began to hope for His glory instead of asking why. I began to long for the kingdom to come here, but especially at the end of time. I know in my heart that when we see Jesus face to face all that was sick, broken, wounded and disabled in each of us will be healed. He is making everything new.

I still believe that God heals body right now, here on earth, but I also know that when healing doesn’t happen His love is still powerful. One of my goals in life is to extend the healing love of Christ to the profoundly disabled. In serving others I feel His heart of love beat furiously in mine. There is urgency in His desire to communicate love to the suffering, to you, and to me.

I am open to Him right now. He loves me totally, unconditionally, and unendingly. My dreams for myself and beliefs about what truly matters are being transformed by this radical Love. This desire in me to love the disabled is so big it frightens me. It’s too big for just me, but somehow I believe the right size for God. I believe He has a plan to let me see glimpse of the reversal [we anticipate in the fullness of His Kingdom] here in this life. I am so excited Father. My eyes are on You.