Partly because life got so busy at the end of August. School started for Tim again. I got full time [hooray], but am currently still working a couple of my old shifts each week until the company hires for them. Tim got into two car accidents in one week-- parked vehicles. We celebrated our one year anniversary.
Partly because life got so inexpressible. Maybe I was just worn out but when I arrived home from work at the end of the day I literally had no words to describe the emotions churning in me. Not that they were all bad just numerous… and intense- a neon rainbow of feeling, spanning the spectrum:- from elation
- to frustration
- to helplessness
- and hopelessness
- then faith
- and finally to a profound experience of love,
a deeper love than I knew existed.
It’s mid- September now, and , though my work schedule has yet to slow, I have gotten into more of a rhythm. Though the hood of our 1996 Dodge Stratus is forever dented I am happy to announce that Tim and I are emerging from the neon rainbow fog more in love than ever if still rumpled in spirit.
As I gazed at the reflection of the past weeks in my rear-view mirror all is still a haze. The lessons I absorbed as a result are scattered:
- Car insurance is expensive. Car accidents are generally more expensive. Be glad you have insurance.
- Nobody is perfect. The only way to find peace is to forgive everything and everyone at the end of the day [including yourself.]
- People are different. It is better to relate to every person as an individual than to try to make blanket rules about communication.
- Despite the cultural insinuation that it is impossible[ or just plain boring] to only ever give your lips, body, heart, and spirit to one other person, it is possible [and it is good.]
- Even more amazing is this-- it is also possible to fall more deeply in love with your spouse everyday of your life.
- Humans are by design diamonds in the rough. In you there are layers of pain you don’t even know about yet, and talents you have not yet discovered.
- What is true and what appears as truth are often two different things.
- God is love. He loves us broken. He does not want anyone to reject herself or to abandon the hope that the Father’s love will set her free from all the lies that keep her bound.
It would be silly for me to attempt to form a cohesive narrative from these highlights so I will leave them as they are. I hope they make you smile. If you have the time and energy, pray for me. Pray for my husband. Pray for the women I work with. In retrospect my eyes are open to the ways that God is giving us peace--- granting more clarity where there was only mystery, working even the miserable and the hard points out for our good. So praise Him for a beautiful hope and perspective, and ask that He will also comfort our hearts in the face of a growing awareness of all that is broken around us.
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