Me on purpose

Me on purpose.

Recently I have been challenging myself to turn off the CD in my mind that constantly spins,

“You are not pretty enough. You don’t work hard enough. You don’t love God enough. Not enough. Not enough. Not enough.”

These messages [in some form and degree] have come against every woman I know, and I have seen how the way a woman faces the feminine insecurity is formative--- shaping the whole course of her life. For me the messages have already threatened to destruction.

Since I first became fully aware of her at 9 years old, insecurity has been the monster on my back, the monotonous lie stuck on repeat playing every day, all day. Her whisper casts doubt on every compliment. Her lies have taken me out with depression and made me run around like a crazy woman trying to make up for all the ways I fail at life. I have tried without avail to reason with the whisper of Insecurity. I would yell back, “It’s garbage. Not true. I’m enough," but whenever I try to fight the lie she bites back—drawing blood every time. So I have found she doesn’t need a speck of truth to make me cringe under her assault,

You are worthless, lazy, ugly. Your friends are more successful. The women at the Y are more attractive. You aren’t trying hard enough… If you were better you would be thinner, you would be closer to God, you would be pregnant by now…”

So how I am refusing to engage Insecurity’s lies in my thoughts anymore? By smashing the lies.

It may seem simplistic but I trying visualization, prayer, and scripture memorization. From now on every time she whispers I am going to visualize myself smashing her CD in my mind and playing a different disk, a higher truth—the Word of God over my life:

The truth is I have spent my life chasing after God’s plan. Like my namesake, the matriarch Sarah, God has called me to a life and a world I had no grid for, and He has promised to be with me in the journey. He has made me who I am on purpose.

Here are the passages I am trying to memorize for October to root this truth in me:

John 15:16 (New American Standard Bible): "You did not choose Me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you.

2 Corinthians 5:17-21 (New American Standard Bible): 17Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 18Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, 19namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation 20Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.

Romans 8:31-39 (New American Standard Bible): 31What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? 32He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? 33Who will bring a charge against God's elect? God is the one who justifies; 34who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us.35Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 36Just as it is written,"FOR YOUR SAKE WE ARE BEING PUT TO DEATH ALL DAY LONG; WE WERE CONSIDERED AS SHEEP TO BE SLAUGHTERED."37But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers,39nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Ephesians 1:3-8 (New American Standard Bible): 3Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, 4just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him In love. 5He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, 6to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved. 7In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace 8which He lavished on us. In all wisdom and insight